Invented (or, more accurately “marketed”) in 1957 by Harold von Brauhut (one year before Milton Levine put ant farms on the map), Sea-Monkeys roughly resemble enlarged sperm, growing to about 1-2 inches in length and certainly looking nothing like the way they are portrayed on their packaging – long-limbed, mythical creatures with a long, dragon-like tail and three horns coming out of their head. I would begin with this sensible piece of advice: “don’t start out the school year sporting a Sea-Monkey necklace.” For those (unfortunate) few who are in the dark about Sea-Monkeys, they are a hybrid form of slickly-packaged brine shrimp that hatch instantly after adding water and are most commonly found in the science section at Toys ‘R Us, next to Magic Rocks and Ant Farms (two other early childhood hobbies that did nothing to boost my popularity). ![]() I often fancy myself building a time machine, so I could tell my childhood self a thing or two. So you compensate by shunning your own people, while simultaneously feeling yourself gravitating toward them as the only possible source of friendship. When you’re a nerd trying to climb the social ladder, surrounding yourself with other nerds doesn’t exactly help your cause. It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when even other nerds pick on you. When you are small for your age and picked last in gym class (even picked after sloths and paraplegics), there really isn’t much hope. ![]() Back then, however, pride wasn’t even in my vocabulary. I was a nerd and a dork (labels I now look back at with pride). ![]() My elementary school social standing left much to be desired, to say the least. However, I certainly didn’t help my cause. Looking back, there are no shortage of reasons why I was bullied.
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